semper nova

• You check your phone, because you have nothing to contribute to the conversation.
• Wait for the right time to say something, you get interrupted. Twice.
• Someone you vaguely know is walking in front of you. You maintain distance.
• Hold the door for some. They’re slightly too far away.
• Someone comes online, you say “hey”, they go offline.
• You go in for the high-five. Other person isn’t looking.
• Accidentally look someone in the eye. Pretend to look past them.
• You say something stupid. You play it down, but everyone sees your face going red.
• You say “hi” to someone. It comes out as a whisper.
• Your friends formed a circle while you were gone. You can’t fit and end up standing slightly askew.
• Waiting by yourself for friends. Pretend you’re texting.
• You tell a hilarious joke. Nobody laughs.
• You’re in class and you want to cough. Some other person just coughed, now you have to wait.
• Walk into the restrooms and the stalls are full; pretend you only came here to wash your hands then leave.
• The person in front is walking slightly slower than you are. You walk at an uncomfortable speed to get past them.

oohey:

breakingawayfromreality:

-exsandohs:

gunderson:

burritoshopsoundtrack:

gaskarthgaskarthgaskarth:

pouryoursugaronme:

-ellielinton:

backstabberr:

1. Don’t have sex.

• Seriously
• Abstinence is key.

2. Don’t go out with people you’ve just met that day.

• I don’t care how good he says his weed is
• he is cuckoo bananas
• and he wants you dead.

3. Don’t go to camp. Especially one where someone was murdered.

• There are six words you should YouTube, should you get the chance
• “Kevin Bacon in Friday the 13th”

4. Find a good hiding place and… STAY. THERE.

• If the killer can’t see you or hear you WHY WOULD YOU MOVE?
• Possibly the easiest rule to follow and, ironically enough, the easiest to break.

5. Always wear sensible shoes, ‘cause you never know when you’ll need to run through the woods.

• Someone will always be barefoot
• Or in heels
• Or just plain clumsy
• And will sprain their ankles
• And die.

6. If the town looks deserted, it’s probably because everyone is dead.

• Don’t walk around looking for people
• House of Wax, anyone?

7. Don’t be a hero.

• Unless you’re name is Harry Fucking Potter, you will die.
• Hell, maybe even then.
• I mean.

8. If you hear something creepy in the distance, like a dog’s yelp cut off mid-bark, don’t investigate.

• The killer is there.
• Also your dog is dead.

9. Always check the backseat before entering your vehicle.

• The last thing you need is to be killed while trying to merge on the expressway.

10. If your car breaks down in front of a dilapidated gas station, don’t ask a sketchy-looking townie for help.

• Some part of your body will wind up in his pick-up truck

11. Don’t go into the basement.

• They are creepy enough without you dying in one.

12. If you’re trying to buy a house and the real estate agent won’t answer any direct questions about either the history of the home or the previous tenants, DO NOT MOVE IN.

• At some point, someone in the house heard voices and cracked.

13. Turn off the television (and run away) if a girl crawls out of it.

• It is obviously your wisest choice.
• SEE ALSO: poltergeist, daughter trapped in tv because of.

14. If the walls of your house bleed, do not attempt an exorcism. 

• Move very very far away
• Because there’s blood on your walls.
• Blood.
• Your
• Walls
• Are 
• Bleeding.

15. Don’t act like a detective.

• Some crazy Japanese kid who meows like a cat will attack you in a closet.
• If you live, awesome story to tell your friend, right?
• But if you die, it is like the opposite of awesome.

16. Google the location you’ll be vacationing at.

• If more than five reports for “Missing Persons” pops up, you know not to go there.
• Issue. Solved.

17. Don’t get drunk. Or come under the influence of any mind-altering drug.

• Running away from a killer is that much harder when you’re tipsy and giggling.

18. If you see someone in a mask, don’t assume it’s one of your friends playing a trick on you to scare you.

• It is the killer.
• ALSO: laughing while saying, “Tommy, is that you in that stupid mask? Oh, I’m so-o-o-o-o scared!” is not conducive to your surviving.
• Killer’s are very sensitive about their disguises.

19. Don’t take a shower.

• ONLY APPLIES IF:
• It’s past midnight at the campground you and your sorority sisters are staying at or
• The lock to the door doesn’t work and you hear creepy piano music

AND THE LAST AND MOST IMPORTANT:

20. If the call is coming from inside the house, get out.

• Clearly the killer is not outside, now is he

THIS